The value of a positive attitude

Frankly, I've been somewhat surprised at how many people are congratulating me on my "positive attitude." There's no doubt that I'm a very pragmatic, direct person. I often have to remind myself that people need to hear niceties to feel good about themselves. It's not that I have nothing nice to say, it's just that I think a good job speaks for itself, so telling someone "nice job," giving them some external validation, was something I had to be taught.

So, I'm certainly not telling people that I have cancer and going through the motions in any kind of cheery way. I don't think I'm relying on platitudes. I don't believe this is God's great plan or that it's happening for some kind of greater reason. I think there's probably some genetic error that is making my cells grow abnormally. Period. It's annoying. It's concerning. But I'm also not melting down over it. As they say up north, it is what it is. 

So far, things look promising, as far as cancers go. It's small, looks localized. Should have been easy to remove surgically. We'll see what other treatment makes the most sense in terms of need and anticipated benefit. Whatever I do, I know that 30 percent of women with early stage breast cancer will ultimately have a metastatic recurrence. It could happen, but it might not. Anyway, it's probably not going to happen in the immediate future. So, why not treat what we can, try to prevent as best we can, and continue to live life as fully as I can? Why waste energy on false hope or unreasonable despair?

I think a positive attitude makes one a more pleasant person to be around. It may even make one happier. But it doesn't change clinical outcomes. I need to rely on the best scientific information to make my decisions, realizing that well-powered data must then fit me as an N of 1. What happens from there will depend on the science we know as well as what we don't know. As we learn more, we'll see if it can be applied to my case.

In the meantime, I do have a range of emotions. Sometimes I'm really angry. Sometimes I'm grateful for the wake-up call. Sometimes I'm sad when I look at my children and wonder what the future holds for us. Overall, I'm focused on doing what I need to do to get ahead of the cancer and to live each moment the best I can.

C'mon, another breast cancer blog?

I know. It's like every person who has gotten this diagnosis needs to take residence in some corner of the inter tubes to tell her special story. If I want to document this friggin' "journey," I can just open one of my bedside notebooks, right? Not like I can find a comfortable position in bed anyway.

I don't consider myself a radiant ray of sunshine, but I am so grateful for so many things, and as I was posting my brief updates on Facebook, I was surprised that people 1) lauded my "positive attitude," and 2) wanted more details. Well, I'm afraid the details aren't always so positive, but I can give details.

So here goes.